Sunday, June 26, 2011


At some point in our lives we’ve all tried to pick up a woman. Chances are, if you're like me, it was in a bar during college or maybe later in a grocery store. After my divorce, I knew I was going to be a bit rusty trying to meet women so I did what all good students do—I studied. I spent many hours observing other guys trying court a woman and gained plenty of valuable knowledge.

I’m here to tell you, there isn’t any cut-and-dry right way to meet a woman, but there are many ways NOT to do it.

Meeting women isn’t an exact science and every woman is different in what they respond to. Avoid at all costs any lines that include “your sign” or tend to be sexual in nature. Anything else is probably OK as long as it’s done correctly. And by correctly, I mean without a leering look on your face or creepy wink, or that awkward touch.

With that in mind, here are 15 pickup lines I suggest you bury deep down, never to be used:

Are those space pants you’re wearing? Because your butt is out of this world.
I heard this one used on a friend. The guy obviously had no clue how my friend likes to be approached. She entertained his line only to laugh at how helpless he was. Needless to say, the conversation was short and led to absolutely zero success.

If I said I like your body, would you hold it against me?
History shows that early man tried this line, as evidenced in many cave paintings discovered through the years. And history also shows how it didn’t work then either. Show her that we’re not all knuckle draggers, and only mention this line in the context of that awful Britney Spears song with the same name. Of course, if you start off by spouting Britney lyrics, she’ll probably think you’re immature.

Can I buy you a drink or would you just like the money?
News flash. Women don’t respond well to queries that make them seem like they're part of the “oldest profession.” You may think it’s a slick way to ask if you can buy her a drink, but it’s not. Not even close. It makes you seem like a creep. Just because Frank Sinatra could get away with the line doesn’t mean you can.

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
Ugh. Seriously? Chances are you’re going to get a fake number if you ever try to use this line. Try to look at it from her perspective. If some weird chick walked up to you and asked for your phone number, how would you respond? Exactly.

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