Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Do Women Get Married Just To Have A Wedding?
Would you get married, just to get married?
Obviously, nobody wants to believe that maybe they would say “yes” to a marriage proposal, just to have a wedding and for the thrill of writing “Mrs” next to your name, but according to Shine, a survey conducted by therapist Jennifer Gauvain, found that 30% of now-divorced women say they knew in their gut they were making a mistake as they walked down the aisle; but they did it anyway!
So the question is; why? Why go through with a wedding, if you know that something’s not right in the relationship beforehand?
Shine’s articles argues that the fairy-tale view of love and romance we have instilled in us as children is to blame, for as Gauvain notes; “we are raised with an unrealistic impression of what love is supposed to look like… Girls read fairy tales where the woman gets saved by the prince, and when they’re older, the same message is enforced through romantic comedies where love always prevails, despite impossible scenarios. So women learn that love can always work, even when it’s unhealthy.”
While I agree with that to an extent, it seem like a cop out to me. Yes, everyone want to believe that a storybook romance will happen for them and they will be the next Kate Middleton or even just end up like Amber Rose and Toya Carter, with a career and buckets of cash from the relationship, but what good is it if you’re Kate Middleton but not in love with your husband, or he’s not in love with you? (remember Princess Diana, anyone?) You might have the ring and an awesome party, but is it worth it?
In my opinion, the marrying just to get married and have a wedding thing, has more to do with competition and “winning” than a desire for a fairytale romance. One of my girls, Tori, is currently dating a guy who is going to be deported back to Canada. He suggested they get married so he can stay in the country, but wait for it, she “shouldn’t get the wrong idea, it’s not a real marriage,” (yes, I know, what an ass.) But the real kicker is, she wants to go ahead with it, and is telling everyone that she’s getting married and she even bought herself a ring. To a lady in the elevator the other day who congratulated her on the ring, she boasted about how romantic the proposal was and how excited she was for the wedding. To my raised eyebrows, and to answer the question that I hadn’t yet asked but was about to, about why she was settling for a guy who clearly treats her like a doormat, she said; “what? You don’t understand, you’re just mad at him, cos’ I got engaged first.”
Oh yeah, that must be it.
But her comment got me wondering if there really is a big competition to not be the last one of your friends to get married? Sadly, I think that there is still pressure to not be the last single girl standing. Has anyone seen the fight that breaks out when a bride throws the bouquet? I still don’t know why though; is it a showing off thing? Is it about proving that you’ve grown up? Is getting married still one of the ways we use to measure success, and if you don’t have the husband, then you haven’t really achieved?
Or is it just to be the one who has the most beautiful wedding dress, the best party and the most handsome husband, to ensure the most fabulous wedding photos? I would like to think that we wouldn’t get married for one day, one dress, one party, but 30% of divorced women and shows like “Bridezillas” and “4 Weddings” seem to disagree…
What do you think?