Monday, August 19, 2013
7 texts that scare men away
We all love to send quick text messages, right? Texts can show our undying love, growing devotion for someone, and anticipation about an upcoming great time with a date. However, there a few texts you can send that will have a man running for the door instead of bringing him closer to you. Below are seven types of text messages that no man really wants to see… ever.
Scary text #1: “I can’t stop thinking about you”
This one’s perfectly fine after a few weeks of dating (and on rare occasions), but it can be a huge mistake to send this kind of message after just one date… and especially if it’s done too often or too soon. At the start of romantic relationships, men go on “stalker alert” in much the same way that women go on “jerk alert,” so if your texts sound overly smitten from the outset, you could end up scaring him off. I’m an advocate of sending one text after a first date before you go to bed along the lines of: “I had a good night and I would love to do it again” — and then pulling back from trading messages for a few days. By doing things this way, your date knows that he made a positive impression on you, but he also knows that you have a life to get back to and that there’s ample room and time for him to form his thoughts about you without feeling rushed.
Scary text #2: “We need to talk”This one has killer implications, no matter when you send it. It makes the receiver feel like a reprimand’s on the way without offering any clues to tell him what he’s walking into the next time he shows up or calls. I know that a woman might send a text like this to try and throw a guy off of his game or convey a sense of urgency if she’s feeling upset, but he’s probably going to see it as both a trap and a source of frustration before he even really knows what’s going on. So if you need to pull the “we need to talk” card on someone, just call him and tell him what’s wrong, or leave him a voicemail if he doesn’t pick up. Texting this to a man is simply torture for him and it won’t solve your problem.
Scary text #3: “OK”
I love to send texts, and sometimes, my messages become mini-sagas about anything that strikes me during the day. So, if I ever reply with just one word to my guy, he knows that something’s off and he goes on high alert. This one just speaks to being consistent with your texting style to keep your relationship calm and peaceful. In the same way that an inflection in the voice or a facial expression can offer clues to really how you feel, a text that’s overly abrupt can make your beloved feel unsteady on his feet.
Scary text #4: “Just saw the cutest pair of shoes”
This one can be troublesome for a guy in two different ways. First, he can take it as a request for money to pay for those shoes, or he might think that he’s heading into the “friend zone” with you instead of being thought of like you would a boyfriend. Casual texts about material items while you’re apart can come off like subtle ploys to get a man to buy you things. Men like women to be direct about what they want, and they would rather hear you say “I want you to get these shoes for me” than read subtle clues about what you like and don’t like via text message. Plus, if he’s concerned about you showing interest in him just for his money, this will send him running for the hills. These sorts of texts can make a man feel confused about your feelings for him and what kind of future you envision for the two of you, because getting stuck in the “friend zone” be terrifying for a guy who wants to really be your boyfriend.
Scary text #5: “I feel like we’re stuck in a rut”
This text is horrible for a relationship that’s already bumpy, and it’s also an “I am rethinking us” warning sign that most men never want to see in the early stages of dating someone. If you’re having a down day, make sure your text outlines what it is that’s really getting you down while also offering a quick way for your man to make things better. No one wants to constantly be on edge and worrying about being replaced, ladies!
Scary text #6: Anything that begins with “My mom said that we should…”
If you have major love, life and/or relationship issues to work out, texting him to say that your mom has solved it all by choosing the next move to make in your lives… well, sorry to tell you this, but he’s not going to like it. A man wants to know that you two will handle life’s ups and downs together, and while he knows that parents can make great advisors, he also needs to know that there’s a boundary that won’t be crossed when it comes to talking about your relationship woes with mom or dad. So, draw a line in the sand that you both can agree on, and then stick to it.
Scary text #7: “Just ran into/spoke with (insert your ex’s name here)”
The past has a nasty way of popping up at exactly the wrong time, and because so much of people’s lives get played out online these days, it’s not too hard to keep tabs on an old flame. If someone’s ex has not moved on, it can make even the most solid relationship feel a bit shaky for both parties. Make sure any issues with an ex are already out on the table and dealt with early on so that they don’t turn into a cancer that poisons your chance at happiness. Let old flames go out for good, and don’t mention any of them again if you can help it.
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, radio personality and the author of Stripped Bare: The 12 Truths That Will Help You Land the Very Best Black Man. Learn more at www.ladawnblack.com.